Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
