All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
