she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize