i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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