I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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