ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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