in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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