he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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