i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
