well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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