Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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