i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
