I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
