Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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