Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
