So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
