maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just tell him i said nine months
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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