Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize