Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize