ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
