so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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