My ATM looks so different sober.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
