I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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