So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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