Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize