I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
sick fucks of a feather flock together
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
