it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
