Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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