she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
