OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
