just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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