You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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