Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize