Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
