So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
