I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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