Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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