is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
