do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
