look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
