He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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