how can u be prego again
Buhtt sex?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
