chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
