he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
