Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
