my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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