I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
