Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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