would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
