Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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