I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
