and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
