Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
