remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
