I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
