Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
