There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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