We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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