well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
