i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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