is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
