I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
