I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
