hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
