Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
