Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
