I cockslap morals
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
