Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
