i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
