Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
