Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
