I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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