Your tits are I can't wait for
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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