You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
