and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
