mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize