??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
