This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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