Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
