drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
