I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
