my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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